At one of our recent installs, The Wheatsheaf in Leighton Buzzard, our jukebox technician Marc Bird was handed a “jukebox guide” that had been created by one of the imaginative bar staff, Maxine Bambrook. We found this guide so hilarious that we wanted to share it with readers of our blog.

THE WHEATSHEAF’S JUKEBOX GUIDE

Please use the Jukebox responsibly

In the event of an emergency, management reserves the right to press the REJECT button

Your Time, Money & Dignity Could Be At Risk

By all means – please feel free to play our pub jukebox and share your favourite tunes. You will not be the first (or last) customer to cry if the bar staff bluntly confirm your song choice is awful, so please do not let this discourage you from frequenting our establishment.

At the Wheatsheaf, we have a fantastically diverse clientele and as such it is unlikely that many of them will share your passion for [said artist]. Whilst gratuitous violence will not be tolerated, bar staff may turn a blind eye to (or indeed, join in with) any verbal abuse that commences due to your limited song choices.

We all remember being 12 years old and loving a song so much we played it over and over again in our bedroom, whilst dancing like a tit. Those days are gone – get over it. Over repetition of a song may result in the bar staff rejecting your tune / shouting obscenities / inflicting mild to moderate bodily harm.

Whilst it may not be the case, the fact that other people are rushing to the jukebox whilst your playlist is still playing, probably means it’s sh**. As such your offering of assistance is likely to be unhelpful & unwanted, so go away.

We love the eclectic range of music that gets played in our pub, however we do recommend you think carefully before spending money on the jukebox that could be put towards the extensive psychiatric help you obviously need.

If this doesn’t seem the time or the place, STEP AWAY from the jukebox you mood-killer! Other people are drinking and trying to have a good time!

We welcome and embrace music choices and love to hear new things, however, please note that pipe and slipper usage is not tolerated within this establishment and bar staff reserves the right to tell you to ‘bore off’.

Whilst our jukebox is able to search through thousands and thousands of songs and artists, it will not make allowances for spelling errors or accept anything other than an exact match of a song title or artist. We appreciate it seems unfair to exclude the mentally challenged &/or alcohol-impaired, therefore our staff are happy to help upon polite request.

This jukebox has a HUGE database of songs that cost 1 credit to play. If you do want to hear something that is not on the database, downloading it will use further credits and will only be stored on the database for a limited time. Please don’t moan – we DON’T care.

Good question. We don’t know. If you do figure out the answer, please let us know.

Of course, we hope that everyone loves our services and facilities, but understand that not everyone will be happy with our jukebox. Whilst it is an easy mistake to make, the bar staff’s big and powerful brains were not responsible for the making of the jukebox and any moans or complaints are unlikely to be met with a civil response.